Friday, August 2, 2013

an open letter to the internet

Kate is supremely talented and you should totally read her words if you don’t already. She wrote a post about rules for women to follow (seriously, so good) and here’s one of them:

If there’s been a rift in communication and too much time has passed, it can all be solved with a handwritten letter.

That’s kinda how I feel about this blog. So much time has passed, I am rusty and I don’t really know where to start. A letter seems like a good place. 

Here I go.


Dear Internet,

I love you and I don't love you.

I love how smart you are. You know all the answers! The closest wine bar and how late it stays open. The lyrics to Bone Thugs N Harmony’s Crossroads (14-year-old Molly would be appalled 30-year-old Molly forgot). How many miles exist between my home in New York and my home in Alabama. I knew it would be big, but man, that is quite a number.

I love the friends I have made through you. Real people making real babies and planning real weddings and living real lives. I love those people with a fierceness.

I love that you give me a place to show up and do a thing I enjoy stringing words into sentences and seeing what comes of it on the other side.

I do not love the hard fought battle to remain true to my most authentic self while hanging out with you. One quick stroll with you and I know what clothes I should be wearing & where I should be shopping. I learn to decorate my house with whatever new thing is replacing chevron and let’s be real: snapping all the Instagram-worthy shots to make sure you know I know what's up. Granted, part of this is just life and I will have to fight the battle of comparison with or without you, but sometimes you can be a pretty harsh mistress.

When we first moved to New York, I learned my route to the subway and I walked that route every single time. I remember Justin asking me once if I wanted to walk another way. I wish you could’ve seen the look on my face. Walk another way? What am I? Some kind of gypsy wandering about aimlessly? No! We walk this route to the subway, this is the route we walk! A couple months later, we found ourselves exiting the subway and in a decidedly brave moment of reckless abandon, I walked a new route home.

I took a break from parts of you that once were a steady part of me. A four month lull since my last post that wasn't planned or purposeful, but it showed me a different way to walk. I discovered some new passions that are life-giving to me that I may never have taken the time to notice before.

I hope this mends the rift in our communication. I do not hate you, Internet, but I refuse to let you own me or tell me what’s beautiful. I will continue to ask you all kinds of questions and appreciate the good within you, but I will also know that it is okay and even beneficial at times to take a break.

Orwasher’s is a quaint, family-owned bakery in my neighborhood. They bake a cinnamon streusel walnut bread that will make you slap somebody it’s so good. I found it one rainy afternoon, when in a decidedly bold move, I took a different way home.