Friday, February 17, 2012

for me

I first started blogging on an absolute whim.
I didn't really commit until Justin and I moved away from all we'd ever known in Alabama
slap across the country to California.
I decided my blog would be a good way to keep family and friends updated with what we were experiencing in such unknown land.

I remember the first time I received a comment from someone who wasn't my family or a friend.
How did she find me? Why did she want to read about my life?
I was clueless how big the blogosphere was.
Somewhere along the way, reading big blogs and little blogs and medium sized blogs,
I learned a few things.

I learned that having a large number of followers and a ton of comments on your posts meant you had arrived.
And you know what I did? I fell prey to those numbers.
I got one follower that wasn't my cousin or my bff and I wanted another one.
I got 50 and I wanted 75.
I got two comments and I wanted four.
I got 15 and I wanted 20.
I convinced myself that I was as good as those numbers told me I was.
It has been a roller coaster of striving and succeeding, striving and failing. Repeat.

Then, there was yesterday when I got a fairly nasty Anonymous comment.
Suffice it to say, Anon thought my content was a bit lacking with my post about the candle from Target and decided to tell me so... saying something to the effect of give better content or lose readers.
I'm not going to lie, the words stung.

But they also provided a clarity I had been longing for, only I hadn't realized it.

This blogging thing? It's for me.

I write because I like to write and I write because I want to remember. All of it.  
Where we ate and where we danced and what song was playing.
The big things and the little things and the cashier from Target who paused to sniff my candle.

Nobody pays me to sit down and write in this space.
If they did, then they'd have a rightful say over my content.

Those of you who enjoy coming here and reading my words, thank you. For real.
I never knew blogging would bring real live friendships into my life, but it did and I am thankful.

I also hope you'll stick around because you sure make this place fun.
Where else in a day could you have a conversation with Erin from California and Colleen from New York
 and Candis from Ohio and Sarah from Alabama and Lauren from Oregon?

And Anonymous? If you don't like what you are reading here or anywhere else,
I hope you'll politely move on to another place where you find yourself happy.

But here's the deal...
My self-worth does not hang in the balance of what a few numbers tell me.
If another soul never reads my words again, I will keep writing.
Because I am writing for me. And I am exceedingly happy about it.

I hope your weekend finds you just where you want to be even if you didn't know you wanted to be there.