Thursday, June 9, 2011

The two sides of honesty

If you are new, welcome!
Here's what you need to know in order to get the gist of this post...
My name is Molly and I am married to Justin.
We are originally from Alabama, but we have moved around for J's job for over a year now.
To date, we have lived in San Francisco, Dallas, and currently, Manhattan.
We love good music, cold weather and most any combination of chocolate and peanut butter.
That last bit really isn't relevant to this story, per se, but oh well.
You readers who already knew those facts, thanks for coming back, friends!

Whether you are my mom, my mother-in-law, a blog friend, mom of my college bff, avid reader non-commenter, avid reader frequent commenter, or my uncle's mother's next door neighbor's babysitter...
I am so happy you are here. Reading these words. My words.
The words that oft times come freely and generously with reckless abandon.
And the ones that take their precious time ruminating until they are good and ready to be brought forth.

The emotions behind this post rendered a heavy feeling within me. It has taken a while for me to gird myself with the fortitude necessary to write this post, but I am ready now.

Let's go.

Travelling this past year has been amazing. We have learned so much about different parts of our country and have fallen in love with several of them. We now know that one can survive without a washer and dryer within arm's reach and that walking to the grocery store means carrying your groceries home which ultimately means Buy What You Can Carry. It will only take one trip of not adhering to this very simple rule and you will never forget again.

We learned that Tucker's in Alameda has the best ice cream and hot fudge, hands down.
And that Sausalito is dreamy and much like a mini Europe.

We learned that everything really is bigger in Texas, even the ferris wheel.

We learned that Manhattan has the ability to steal your heart and the contents of your bank account within a day of your arrival.
I don't know that it could be any closer to my heart if I had it tattooed directly above it (which I didn't, Mom and Dad).


Travelling has been amazing for our marriage. We have learned so much about who we are as a couple and who we are as individuals. We are able to own our likes and dislikes and passions and preferences with more strength and ardor. We have seen new talents and abilities in one another as a direct result of not being in our comfort zone.

Everything you just read is true. And now I am about to tell you a different part of the story.

Travelling is hard.
I miss my family and friends back home fiercely.

I wonder if I am missing precious moments with my grandmothers.
I think, What if I don't get to celebrate another Christmas or birthday with them?
The thought quickens my heart so badly I think I'll bust.

I wonder about babies.
Would we have made the choice to have them by now had we not been travelling?
I want my parents & J's mom to be grandparents.
I want to see my parents nearly forget about me for being so wrapped up in our baby.
But I don't know that I am ready to give birth in the back of a taxi.

One of my best friends suffered a miscarriage last month.
She's in Alabama and I am in New York.
I couldn't put my arms around her and hug her. I wanted to go sit on her porch with her and tell her we could talk about everything or nothing at all because that's what best friends do.

The mother of another dear friend has had a tumultuous sickness within the past month and faced emergent surgery. My sweet parents went to the hospital on my behalf which I am so greatful for, but I couldn't be there.

One of our dearest couple friends are buying their first home. 

Others just welcomed their first baby, a girl, two weeks ago.

Babies are becoming toddlers and taking their first steps while I wonder, Will they know how much I loved on them and rocked them when they were brand new in this world? 

So how do I deal with the hard part?  I have learned that you do not have to be physically present to be present in someone's life. If I am thinking about a particular family member or friend, I try to call them as soon as possible even if just to say, I miss you and I wanted you to know how important you are to me.


And the one that is present with me? I hug him a little tighter and kiss him a little longer and make sure to thank him for taking me on this wild and grand adventure. I wouldn't have had this opportunity without him. The hard times are made easier because we're in this together. And I love who we have become along this journey.

I have found something beautiful even in the difficult times... thankfulness that I have people in my life that I love so fiercely.

Two sides of the same story.

Admitting that it's not always easy is a burden lifted from my heart.

So now you know.

And yes, we gladly accept gifts in the form of good music and chocolate peanut butter combinations.

Or just come visit us if you'd like.

We'll supply the tunes and the chocolate.

14 comments:

  1. This is a great post! You have seen some amazing places and learned some great things. I love you and know you would have done just what you said. I can not wait to see you again.

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  2. Molly, this was amazing.

    There is a time and season for everything. You have all the love in the world and all the time to share it, don't worry.

    E

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  3. You strike me as the type of lady that feels present in her good friends and family's lives even if you're miles away.

    You seem like someone that easily makes others feel special and valued and loved. You've already done that with me and we've just met, I can only imagine how those closest to you must feel.

    If there is guilt or regret or shame lurking on your back for not being physically around those you love I hope and pray you can throw it off and open continue to keep your heart open to where God has you now.

    You are on a wonderful adventure with the man you love and someday when you have all those babies you will show them photos of these adventures and they will admire their cool Mom and Dad and be inspired.

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  4. GREAT post. I can totally and completely relate. There's much to be gained, but much is sacrificed too. You put it much more eloquently. I know you are a great friend/daughter to your loved ones and no amount of distance will change that. :)

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  5. oh "friend"....i know, i know! being able to travel - especially early in marriage - is such a gift, and yet so difficult. though what a treasure to learn so deeply how being intentional with family and friends is so important.

    i so hear your heart here! and it gives me deja vu. my memories of our travels are both HARD and BEAUTIFUL. and now i'm so thankful for both.

    you said it long ago. and i really believe you - that we would make great friends ;)

    take it day by day, and enjoy each one. know that He will be a lamp to your feet (while you may not be able to see very far ahead...). the verse i've been clinging to lately ~ "He will keep in perfect peace he whose mind is stayed on Thee".Is. 26 (i think)

    and when all else fails, just think about the sweltering weather you are "missing out" on here in the south!

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  6. Thank you for being honest, sweet Molly, and sharing your heart. We miss you guys so much, but we are glad for what you are being able to do together.

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  7. Oh, Mols, I'd venture to say that you're one of my best (as in present and active in my life, not as in BFF - you know that already :P )friends of all - despite the fact that you live hundreds of miles from me. Your concern and thoughtfulness has always touched my heart.

    You may feel you're missing out on life back home, but the experiences you're gaining and, especially, the strength of your marriage is worth that tenfold.

    You'll always be a part of my life - you can't get rid of me! <3

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  8. Molly, you are the most loving, caring and giving person I know, I am glad the Lord in His plan allowed me to be yoiur mother. I miss you being close in miles, but, I couldn't feel closer if we were sitting together on the couch. You have a gift of letting people family and friends know your heart. Thank-you! You know one of my favorite sayings to you has always been "carpe diem". I am thankful to know that you have Justin to share your life and provide such a grand adventure. Some how I always knew you would not choose the road most traveled or maybe the obvious choices, but that the Lord had something and someone really special for you. He is a blessing! I love you, Mom

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  9. molly-thanks for your sweet comment on my blog!! i've found yours too and been a stalker for a little while...(not sure if i've ever commented or not, but i know i have meant to before!) i do know/remember justin from troy, although that was 10÷÷ years ago and i'm not sure how long he was there before i graduated. anyway, i love this post. you are a great writer and make people like me wonder why i even bother to blog! ha...i can't express my feelings so well in written word, so that is mainly why my blog is about the kiddos and all my crazy hobbies!
    Carrie :)

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  10. so Molly... I would just like to say that I think if we were neighbors, we'd be like Wilma and Fred, to Lucy and Ricky. You are the real deal. LOVE it. and i can't tell you just how precious your comment to me about selling our house was. I LOVED it! and I could sigh reading it. Thank you for just being understanding and not offering all this grandious "God's timing" stuff. people are sweet to want to comfort... but it often does the opposite... as you know. I loved catching up on some of your posts. ANd i am going to love "tagging along" on your adventures!!!

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  11. Thank you for sharing your heart, Molly; it was a blessing to read. We're thankful for you guys and for who the Lord is making you to be through both sides of this story. Much love and many blessings along the way

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  12. Thank you, friends, for all of your kind words. You have each brought such encouragement to me. Thank you, thank you.

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  13. oh molly... how i loved reading this post. miss you friend.

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  14. I've lived away from 'home' for 5 years now and it is hard, but it does get better!! Beautiful words, though, girl. :) Thanks for visiting my blog and letting me know you stopped by!!

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good communication is as stimulating as black coffee,

and just as hard to sleep after.

anne morrow lindbergh